Joran Tells the Truth

Miracle of miracles! Joran van der Sloot has proven that he can indeed tell the truth. ABC aired Chris Cuomo’s interview with the Dutchman on Thursday night’s Primetime. The problem is that he refuses to tell the truth about what happened to Natalee Holloway and where she is. Neither can he be honest about his own character. Instead he portrayed himself as the gallant, conscientious gentleman who refused to have sex with the girl-gone-wild, Natalee Holloway, because he didn’t have a condom. Not only did he besmirch her at every turn — insisting that she brazenly pursued him and suggesting that she found some other guy to hook up with after he left her alone on the beach — but he insulted her mother without justification, as well, informing Cuomo that Natalee had called Beth Twitty “Hitler’s sister.” He also blamed his initial lies as to Natalee’s whereabouts on the Twittys, inferring that he and Deepak might have told the truth if Beth hadn’t been so accusatory toward them and disrespectful of the Van der Sloot family.

According to Joran’s latest story, Natalee was fully in control of her faculties the night she disappeared, never losing consciousness or seeming incoherent in Joran’s presence. Joran stated that he, at first, intended to take Natalee to his house, where (as you’ll remember) he has his own private quarters, but then changed his mind because the considerate lad didn’t want to wake his father and brothers. After a short drive to the lighthouse (to see sharks), he asked Deepak Kalpoe to drop them off on the beach near Natalee’s hotel and said that he’d call him for a ride later. Deepak must be a really good bud to leave his house in the middle of the night in order to chauffeur Joran around the island. The pair spent most of their time together strolling hand-in-hand on the beach and making out in the sand. That is, until Joran got tired and wanted to go home. So he phoned his friend, and minutes later Satish Kalpoe arrived in his brother’s car. Joran, unable to convince Natalee to leave, hopped in and headed for home. Oops! He forgot his sandy shoes. For some reason, it was impossible to go back and get them. Upon arriving home, he used the Internet to check soccer scores, view some porn, and e-mail Deepak to let him know that he’d made it home. Satish, despite living in the same house with his brother, must be incapable of effectively communicating this. The Kalpoe brothers both deny giving Joran a ride home that night. Joran suggests that it is they who are lying, perhaps because one of them returned to the beach later and did something to Natalee.

So now, you’re probably wondering what Joran told the truth about. The two biggest truths that slipped Joran van der Sloots lips under Chris Cuomo’s questioning were (paraphrasing):

  1. That he hates Natalee.
  2. That he will never be free of this burden until the truth comes out.

Funny, that. I thought the whole point of doing the interview was so that Joran could get the truth out there and the world would know that he is innocent. From his own admission, we know that the truth about Natalee Holloway’s disappearance is yet to be heard.

I had intended to tape Thursday night’s program to review it later and, hopefully, offer additional observations, but due to technical difficulties, i.e. a bonehead blunder, that didn’t work out. I can say that Joran is well-rehearsed in narrating his fairytale, practiced at trying to appear blameless and beleaguered, but woefully inept and ignorant (or perhaps just oblivious), when it comes to conveying contrite and compassionate. Though he didn’t do a lot of shifting his eyes down and to the left (a la Peterson), it did appear that he rarely looked Cuomo in the eye when he answered questions. And he did this fluttery semi-closing of the eyelids when he knew he was lying (my opinion, of course) about something important, such as whether or not he harmed Natalee, whether or not he killed Natalee, etc. That’s my observation. I’d love to hear from anyone else who watched the interview. If you didn’t watch, don’t let that stop you from joining in.

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